i’m a mother.

In the land I call my head, Mother’s Day conjures up images of May flowers and sunshine. By the grace of Mother Earth, today was full of both of these things. It was a great, productive, beautiful day. And the true holiday is not even until tomorrow. Although I do like to consider Mother’s Day the entire weekend rather than just one day. Because mothers have the most important job in the world.

This is my first one as a mama and so it feels special. Yes, I was a stepmom last year, but I wasn’t celebrated as a mother and Emile was obviously with his mommy. (Do they have a stepparents day? If not, I will start it.) I was a little sad, but now this Mother’s Day seems that much sweeter. Here I am. Somebody’s mother. 
I’ve tried to express in words how much I love my daughter and how I feel about motherhood, such as here and here. These posts are generally short because it’s difficult to convey such a depth of emotion on paper. Sometimes, the less words the better. In short, becoming a mom is the best thing I’ve ever done. The hardest. The most rewarding. I’ve recounted some difficult days, involving oodles of poop and buckets of tears, here and here. The best things in life come with the highest price. 
But as a mother, you do it all gladly, lovingly. Because it’s for your baby.
What I find the most amazing is how much love it takes to make the world go round. The survival of our species depends on this love. Look around you. Every single person was once a tiny, helpless baby. Requiring 24 hour round-the-clock care. Tender, loving care. Usually by the mother or by someone else who fiercely loved the child. Unconditionally. Even when the child hadn’t stopped screaming for days.
I don’t think one can understand how difficult a parent’s job (whether you are a biological parent, an adoptive parent, or a step parent) is until one becomes a parent. It’s a hell of a lot of work. Your child’s pain feels 1000 times worse than your own pain. There are temper tantrums and broken hearts to survive. Discipline and tough love to dole out. Worries. Lots of worries. Sleepless nights spent worrying. Messes. More messes than you can stand. Rebellious teenagers. I haven’t experienced the full scope of parenthood, but I’m starting to understand.
So, in honor of my first Mother’s Day, I’m going to celebrate the shit out of it. 
I hope you do too. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mamas!!
P.S. My husband offered to pay for some of my farmer’s market start-up costs (there are many) as my Mother’s Day present. And all I could say was, “But…I like presents.” I’m far from materialistic, but he always gets me my best stuff. Plus, I like surprises too 🙂
Giovanna in a “milk coma”
play time
my little sweet pea
her favorite place to sleep

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