letting go

Yesterday at the grocery store, the cashier commented on my wedding ring.

“My co-worker would LOVE your ring…she absolutely loves canary diamonds…she can spot them from a mile away…she wants one really bad.”

“Maybe she needs to let go. Then it will come to her,” I responded, hoping the cashier understood and would pass on the message.

Something I’ve recognized in my own life is that only by letting go of our expectations, desires, dreams can we begin to realize our full potential. Perhaps you’ve heard the expression, “let go and let God.” (Feeling free to replace God with love, spirit, life, or whatever higher power moves you.)

You can dream as high as the moon and the sun, and you should, as long as you don’t attach your happiness to desires, instead recognizing that life is what happens when you’re busy making plans. You only have so much control over your path and there is no point in fighting fate.

As far as diamond rings go, here’s an example.

Many of us spend years looking for love, often in all of the wrong places. Bars. Parties. Drunken social scenes. I know I did. Then, after a profound transformation and shift in consciousness, I started recovering my true self. Spending Saturday nights holed up in a coffee shop with a novel like the book worm that I am rather than imbibing cocktail after cocktail, engaging in meaningless flirtations and conversations, left only with a hangover and blurred memories and emptiness. I let go of the desire to “meet someone” and I decided to just be me. I had no desire for a diamond ring (too materialistic) or even a hot date. I was happy being me. Just me, by myself. Although I wanted love and I expected to have it some day, I decided to let it find me.

About two months later, Halloween was upon us. Instead of selecting a bagged costume as I had done in the past (sexy witch, anyone?), I created one of my own, using creativity and imagination. I didn’t necessarily want to go out to the bars, but I also didn’t want to stay home alone on one of my most favorite days of the year. So I agreed to spend the holiday with my sister and her friends. Again, I was returning to my true self by spending time with my blood sister, the one who held me in her arms when I was a baby and who played Barbies with me as a child for hours on end and who stole my clothes as a teenager. My sister who knows me like no one else does.

On this Halloween night, I had no agenda, instead choosing to go with the flow of the group, allowing myself to be carried according to their whims. It was on this night that I ran into a man I already knew (from work) and we struck up a conversation. A conversation that quickly turned into a loving relationship and later, a beautiful marriage.

Only after following my heart back to my true self could I meet my love, my fate, my destiny, my soulmate.

Now, I cherish my wedding ring because it was a gift from my husband. It is not a status symbol, but a symbol of our union, a symbol of life taking its course. These were all the things I would have said to the cashier at the grocery store if I’d had the time. Instead, I say them to you.

If letting go and surrendering your life to the unknown sounds challenging or even impossible, do not worry (see #3 below). It is. It is a daily struggle, but with practice it gets easier. Here are a few things to remember that will help you along the way:

  1. In the end, this human body will meet it’s death. Know that you are not a body having a soul, you are a soul having a body. Inevitably, we will all leave our human bodies. Our energy will float up to the heavens and this life as we know it will cease to exist. Stop taking everything so seriously.
  2. You don’t have as much control as you think, and this is a good thing. Think of a child who wants to choose his own bedtime, his own food, his own rules. He’d eat candy for breakfast and crash out every night in front of the TV at 11 pm. We don’t always know what’s best for us. Trust that your higher power will lead you to your higher self, your greatest good.
  3. If you have a strong intuition that you are here to make a difference, then you will be given enough time and resources to achieve your purpose. There’s actually nothing to worry about.
  4. Everything is going to be okay.

Are you still seeking to control your life? Do you think you can learn to let go? Do you even want to let go?


  1. This was the best thing I’ve read in a LONG time 🙂 It’s so true, letting go can be hard but when we have the courage to do so, it’s when things come to US. I think there’s a lot to be said for having faith in the universe to deliver things when the timing is right – not when WE want them. I loved “Know that you are not a body having a soul, you are a soul having a body.” Those words are amazing.


    1. Thank you, Emily! I was self-conscious about this post, but knowing that I’ve touched at least one person today makes it all worth it.


  2. Lucy, I think this is one of your best posts. I went through a similar phase myself. When I joined my father’s company and started graduate school at the same time, I found myself happy to stay home on weekends, reading books and sipping a glass of wine and spending quality time with my family. When I met Sri a couple of months later, I realized that I had not only met just a cute guy but someone who shared the same values, interests, and passions as me. It’s amazing where life can take you when you focus on yourself and give up on willing your life to take a certain direction. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story 🙂

    Funny to think that it was just 5 years ago that we were spending our weekends at “Studio 55”, drinking and partying with the best of them! I cherish those memories, but must admit that I’m glad to no longer be living them!


  3. Surrendering isn’t easy, but sometimes it’s the only way to move forward. Between Oprah, Paulo Coelho & now you, I keep hearing the surrender lesson but I just haven’t given in. Maybe this time?


  4. I love this post, Lucy! Thank you for sharing these thoughts. I feel like I met my husband after a “letting go” phase – having time to live inside of your true self and get comfortable in your own skin is such an important thing to experience.


  5. I make a conscious effort to let go of my desire to control everything everyday. Sometimes I’m blessed, and sometimes I am a strong-willed, ornery resister. Thanks for reminding me about the peace and serenity that comes from letting go. Everything will be okay, indeed.


  6. Fabulous post (as usual). I am a firm believer in the good in letting things go, too. I can be a bit of a control freak, but I am learning (and realizing), through experience that all of the best moments in my life have happened by chance.


  7. Love this post, Lucy! This is such an important lesson to learn and live by, and one that ultimately every person will confront at some point in their lives. You are an amzing writer, keep up the awesome work!


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