“For one minute please, stand here in silence and look at the sky, and contemplate how awesome life is.”
~wins.failblog.org via Pinterest
This morning, I went for a run and I was so focused on putting one foot in front of the other that I forgot to run with gratitude. When I looked up, my eyes met the sky, which was blue instead of gray, and smeared with translucent clouds instead of opaque ones. Then, I looked to the side and I saw a lake. Water that was calm, water that managed to reflect our complex, fast-moving world yet remain still.
Life is so crazy, I’m still wrapping my head around the reality of life with small children. There’s so much to do that I never feel like I am on top of it, so I’d rather put my feet up and pretend that none of it exists. (Taxes? What are those?)
Still, I love being productive because I feel accomplished, I love creating because I feel powerful. But this week, I am tired. I sit down to write and the words don’t come. I think about mixing new medicinal teas for Herbal Philosophy and the inspiration isn’t there. It’s like I’m in vacation mode without being on vacation. I’m still filling current tea orders, I’m still doing a tasting this weekend, I’m still playing with words, I’m still sitting down to write. But nothing is sticking. Nothing is flowing. Nothing new is happening, or maybe it’s just not happening fast enough. And then there’s the annoying detail that my attention span is as short as the day is long.
Maybe I need to drink a coffee. Maybe I need to break my night owl habit once and for all and go to bed earlier. Maybe the sunshine is drawing me outdoors and making my pretty desk unattractive. Maybe I’m having an “off” week for no good reason and the next one will be better. Maybe I need a breakthrough.
I’m going to go with it. (And I have to say it “out loud” because otherwise I won’t.) I’m going to take breaks. I’m going to not worry about productivity. I’m going to sit on the ground and draw with my budding artists. I’m going to keep reading the novel that’s giving me mini panic attacks because it’s so good (maybe that’s why I don’t feel like writing?). I am going to look at the sky and wonder what’s up there. Because sometimes, I believe that’s why I’m here, not to be productive, but to stand in silence and marvel at the view.