Have you heard of spirit babies?
I am currently reading Baby Catcher: The Chronicles of a Modern Midwife by Peggy Vincent. The book is empowering and thrilling and terrifying and enlightening. She tells the story of how her 12 year-old son comforted her after a miscarriage, beginning a campaign for his 41 year-old mother to have her third baby “just for the joy of it.”
He said, “every woman has a circle of babies that goes around and around above her head, and those are all the possible babies she could have in her whole life. Every month, one of those babies is first in line. If she gets pregnant, then that’s the baby that’s born. If she doesn’t get pregnant, the baby goes back into the circle and keeps going around with all the others. If she gets pregnant but something bad happens before the baby’s born…now listen, Mom, because here’s the really cool part. It goes back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies give it cuts. Each month, it’s always first in line. Isn’t that great?
So you just have to get pregnant again, and you’ll have the same Spirit Baby. If you don’t, though, then the baby circle will just beam that little Spirit Baby over to some other woman’s circle, and it’ll be first in line for her. It keeps being first in line somewhere until it finally gets born.
But it’d be a shame for you not to have it yourself, because I know how much you want it. So you just have to try again. Mom, remember that baby you lost before I was born? Well, that was me. Really. I’ve always known I was a Spirit Baby. I mean, I know what I’m talking about here, Mom.”
This concept makes sense to me. Sometimes a woman just knows that a certain spirit is trying to come through her. And if you have experienced a loss in pregnancy, how comforting to know that this child who moved inside of you will still get a chance at life. Somewhere, somehow.
We cannot know without doubt what happens in the other dimensions or how we are chosen for life on earth. The human existence is like a veil, shielding us from the spirit world, leaving us with only our intuitions to navigate the unseen, the underside of our own souls. We cannot know, but we can contemplate and meditate and believe a child who has an explanation for us. An adolescent boy who calls it a long- known truth.
I don’t believe we are here by accident. The universe is too beautiful to be random. Intelligence beats below the surface. In our language and our music and our bodies. Under the sea, under the ground, under the skin. A lake looks so smooth and simple until you dive to the bottom and open your eyes.
The blogging community is grieving alongside one of our own right now, Diana Stone, who is stumbling through every mother’s worst nightmare. For the second time. I want to believe that when Diana’s twin boys were born too early last year, one of them returned to her womb in her third pregnancy, which I joyfully watched progress via Instagram. I want to believe that when this baby passed away three days ago at two weeks old from a heart defect that he remains a spirit baby. I want to believe he’s coming back, because he hasn’t had his chance to play with his big sister and sleep in his mother’s arms.
No body understands why Diana has lost three sons in less than two years. She is a good woman. She wanted every one of those babies. She has access to modern medicine. She has a spiritual practice and thousands of people from around the world praying for her and her babies. She is young and beautiful. She is faithful. And yet, tonight, she is bereft of the child she knew in her belly for nine months. There are no explanations, I have thought about it for hours, the questions lingering at the back of my thoughts, waiting for space to come forward and roll around once again. And I can’t intellectualize it.
I suppose we’re not meant to understand. We have no choice but to trust that everything will be okay in the end, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. But how can we trust, how can we sweep anxiety into the mental garbage can when we have so much to lose?
I do know that Diana’s weathered spirit will rise like the cream. I do believe that if she chooses it, her spirit baby (or babies) will return to her, and he will stay and he will look at his mama the same way she looks at him. We may break under tragedy, but we are repaired by miracles. I hope, I pray.
If you’d like to send money to the Stone family to help with medical bills and the many expenses insurance did not cover, please donate here. The money goes directly to Diana. And of course, don’t spare the prayers.