Spirit Babies

baby foot and daddy's finger
Image via https://www.facebook.com/PrayforKadenStone

Have you heard of spirit babies?

I am currently reading Baby Catcher: The Chronicles of a Modern Midwife by Peggy Vincent. The book is empowering and thrilling and terrifying and enlightening. She tells the story of how her 12 year-old son comforted her after a miscarriage, beginning a campaign for his 41 year-old mother to have her third baby “just for the joy of it.”

He said, “every woman has a circle of babies that goes around and around above her head, and those are all the possible babies she could have in her whole life. Every month, one of those babies is first in line. If she gets pregnant, then that’s the baby that’s born. If she doesn’t get pregnant, the baby goes back into the circle and keeps going around with all the others. If she gets pregnant but something bad happens before the baby’s born…now listen, Mom, because here’s the really cool part. It goes back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies give it cuts. Each month, it’s always first in line. Isn’t that great?

So you just have to get pregnant again, and you’ll have the same Spirit Baby. If you don’t, though, then the baby circle will just beam that little Spirit Baby over to some other woman’s circle, and it’ll be first in line for her. It keeps being first in line somewhere until it finally gets born.

But it’d be a shame for you not to have it yourself, because I know how much you want it. So you just have to try again. Mom, remember that baby you lost before I was born? Well, that was me. Really. I’ve always known I was a Spirit Baby. I mean, I know what I’m talking about here, Mom.”

This concept makes sense to me. Sometimes a woman just knows that a certain spirit is trying to come through her. And if you have experienced a loss in pregnancy, how comforting to know that this child who moved inside of you will still get a chance at life. Somewhere, somehow.

We cannot know without doubt what happens in the other dimensions or how we are chosen for life on earth. The human existence is like a veil, shielding us from the spirit world, leaving us with only our intuitions to navigate the unseen, the underside of our own souls. We cannot know, but we can contemplate and meditate and believe a child who has an explanation for us. An adolescent boy who calls it a long- known truth.

I don’t believe we are here by accident. The universe is too beautiful to be random. Intelligence beats below the surface. In our language and our music and our bodies. Under the sea, under the ground, under the skin. A lake looks so smooth and simple until you dive to the bottom and open your eyes.

The blogging community is grieving alongside one of our own right now, Diana Stone, who is stumbling through every mother’s worst nightmare. For the second time. I want to believe that when Diana’s twin boys were born too early last year, one of them returned to her womb in her third pregnancy, which I joyfully watched progress via Instagram. I want to believe that when this baby passed away three days ago at two weeks old from a heart defect that he remains a spirit baby. I want to believe he’s coming back, because he hasn’t had his chance to play with his big sister and sleep in his mother’s arms.

No body understands why Diana has lost three sons in less than two years. She is a good woman. She wanted every one of those babies. She has access to modern medicine. She has a spiritual practice and thousands of people from around the world praying for her and her babies. She is young and beautiful. She is faithful. And yet, tonight, she is bereft of the child she knew in her belly for nine months. There are no explanations, I have thought about it for hours, the questions lingering at the back of my thoughts, waiting for space to come forward and roll around once again. And I can’t intellectualize it.

I suppose we’re not meant to understand. We have no choice but to trust that everything will be okay in the end, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. But how can we trust, how can we sweep anxiety into the mental garbage can when we have so much to lose?

I do know that Diana’s weathered spirit will rise like the cream. I do believe that if she chooses it, her spirit baby (or babies) will return to her, and he will stay and he will look at his mama the same way she looks at him. We may break under tragedy, but we are repaired by miracles. I hope, I pray.

If you’d like to send money to the Stone family to help with medical bills and the many expenses insurance did not cover, please donate here. The money goes directly to Diana. And of course, don’t spare the prayers.

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4 thoughts on “Spirit Babies

  1. This post…had me weeping and heaving by the second paragraph. I’ve been feeling this tugging on my heartstrings for about a week now. I’ve dreamed of pregnancy for me or others several times this week. I’ve been yearning, even though I’ve rationalized with my husband that we won’t have any more, more times than I can count on my hands. The thing is, is that it keeps coming back, and I think that part of it is deeply spiritual. I’ve always believed in spirit babies, my middle sister is one after all, but I tend to push this to the back of my mind when reminded of my own loss. I can act like it was for the best that I dodged the bullet of having twins and losing my nerves double what I have in my daughters two and a half years. I tell myself I couldn’t go through another unwanted c-section or idiot doctor. But I’m longing in such a deep, hidden way for the baby I didn’t get to meet and it causes me so much inner turmoil, and pain.

    Every month I hope that my birth control somehow failed. Every month I struggle to keep myself from talking to my husband about having another one just one more time because it stresses him out too much and he thinks “our” decision is final. Every month I cry when I know it’s not going to happen for me. I feel safe saying this here, and maybe a little relieved if I can let even a little bit off my chest. Thank you, Lucy, for having such a thoughtful and inviting place here, you are a treasure.

    I pray that Diana can find peace and be blessed with the presence of that spirit baby in time, no mother’s heart should ever have to ache that way.

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    1. Beautiful Miss Mae. I can relate to what you’re going through. In fact, I’ve been in a similar place of wanting a baby when my husband didn’t (he already has had 2 kids, after all). I think you SHOULD bring it up to your husband again when you’re ready. Obviously I’m a complete outsider here but I DO see you having another baby, when the time is right. You are so young and you had your baby so early in your marriage, you might just need a longer break than average. You don’t need to have a baby NOW, but you can plan on having a baby at some point in the future, right? If a baby is calling to you in the way you say it is, I don’t think you will find peace until you try to make room for it. And whose to say you are predestined for another caesarian? Is a VBAC out of the question? Can you find a recommendation for a better doctor? Or better yet, a midwife? There are so many possibilities, so much time.

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  2. Stories like this are so real, bittersweet, and beautiful. I find it incredible that women can feel so differently about wanting children, embracing their pregnancies, and being grateful for what they are given. I read the following article yesterday and went home angry and confused by these anonymous parents…http://www.huffingtonpost.com/babblecom/im-expecting-twins-and-i-feel-like-i-ruined-my-family_b_3645618.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

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    1. Yes that’s the crazy part. I hope sweet Diana never comes across that article because it will break her heart, and it’s been broken enough. Like I said, she wanted all of her babies so badly. I remember her post announcing her twin pregnancy like it was yesterday. I feel like the author of that article has lost sight about what parenting is all about. It’s about the unexpected, it’s about stretching to your limits and savoring the small things and finding joy in a child’s poopy diaper. Who cares if she has to get a bigger house? Is that what she’ll be thinking about when she’s an old lady? Who says they can’t fulfill their dreams with one more child in tow? I don’t get it. I would take as many healthy babies as I could get. This woman is completely lost and I hope she becomes found. Soon, before she damages those sweet babies coming to her.

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