To Giovanna on your birthday,
You came into my life four years ago today and I knew you already. Your cheeks. Your eyebrows. Your will.
You came into my life and shook all the pieces into place. When I became your mama many other things became clear. Who I am and who I want to be, what I want to do and why I must do it. Things I’ve always known somewhere but left unknown because not knowing is sometimes easier.
You came into my life and brought with you a spark. A flame in the seat of my heart, a magnetic force field between us. Once physically connected, our spirits have been and will be attached for eternity. For now, we are slightly codependent. A phase equally challenging and temporary, both of which pale in comparison to the beauty of it. But you will not always shout “mama!” when I pick you up from school and you will not always say good-bye with a long row of kisses. I have to also believe that I will not always miss you the way I do now (or I might end up stalking your elementary school).
You came into my life and you sped up time. Never before have days passed so quickly. Never again will you be a baby. Never again will you be three years old. You say things a certain way, many times a day (“okay, mama?”), and each time a little piece of me melts and molds into joy, gratitude, wonder. You exhaust me and you energize me.
You came into my life and the pitch of your voice captured me, captivated me. It still does, every day. Though peace and patience often eludes us, we are all trying. I am searching for ways to be a better mother to you. I will never stop searching.
You came into my life and you taught me about my biggest flaws. You act as a mirror. You help me to hear my own voice and in hearing my own voice I am able to better understand myself. As you grow up and I grow up, we will evolve and transform according to the knowledge and wisdom collected along the way. I will try to teach you as much as you teach me.
You came into my life and you made me a mommy. Someday you will understand the magnitude of this shift and the power you hold, not over me alone but over the entire universe. The world is yours, my baby. You’re four years old and you’re already on the fast track to taking as much of it as you can hold in those hungry little hands. I love watching you grow.
With all my love,