A Cosmic Joke

“Bliss is not gained or lost, it is built into the nature of consciousness. Bliss in its purest form is ecstasy, joy, rapture… Bliss is evolutionary, it grows. Bliss is pervasive, it wants to enter everything. Bliss is desirous, it seeks fulfillment. Bliss is inspiring, it increases by creating new forms to inhabit. Bliss is unifying, it shatters boundaries of separation.” – Deepak Chopra in The Shadow Effect

Living is a constant process of creating and editing. Building up and tearing down. Writing and deleting. Desiring and changing.

The past three nights I’ve had a moment while putting my daughters to bed that drops me right into Now. The Present Moment. It is triggered by the digital display of the date and time in their room. It started on the anniversary of Skyla’s birth, because our children’s birthdays are engraved across our hearts. 2-23. I noticed it again the next night. 2-24. Then, tonight. 2-25. Each night, the same scene, the same time, a different date. In 24 hours we have changed in some irretrievable way. Tonight’s darkness at 8 pm may look the same as yesterday’s darkness, but really, they are not the same. Each night, the sun leaves us a little later. In 4 weeks, the Spring Equinox. Light catching up to darkness.

The clock tick-tocks, the calendar moves forward, we grow older. My baby turned two this week. Raising children is serious business, and parents are compensated accordingly. This snippet of time brings ineffable joy, and nonpareil growth. I’ve recently encountered lessons that are so generous in their teachings that the accompanying synchronicities no longer give me a jolt. I am awestruck, but not jarred. These are lessons about patience and calm, thinking and presence, projection and blame, light and shadow. It seems a cosmic joke that I write about mindfulness on this blog when I haven’t gotten a hold of my thoughts in real life. I have engaged in chronic overthinking and dubbed it mindfulness. I have overanalyzed and criticized, hyperbolized and overdramatized, all in the name of mindfulness. I have operated through my pain-body. I have failed to feed my spirit. I have drunk too much wine. I have felt contempt and envy and shame. I am deliciously human. I am waking up, a little more everyday, tipping the scale towards peace and joy. I have my sights set on bliss. This is the nature of consciousness.

I am consciousness. Prayer. Stillness. Observing the thoughts. Releasing judgments. Letting joy permeate my days because we have a finite number of them in these bodies. There’s a finite number of bedtimes, too. For better and for worse, I will not put small children to bed for the rest of my life. It is during this time of day, when my children and I are exhausted and our goals directly contradict one another, that I find myself losing patience, and joy. Tonight, I tried something a little different and it worked. Vast improvements over yesterday’s bedtime. Just a few weeks ago, we completely shifted our sleeping arrangements. Every day, we change. Every morning, we wake up different. Every night, we have new dreams.

In every moment, bliss is the undercurrent that moves us along.

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