The Beginning


Last night I held energetic hands With Every Woman I’ve Ever Known.
So much red. Blood spill. In the darkness I lay still between my
Young Daughters. I sing to them for a miracle. They sing with me.
In the night, I wake up, knowing. God, I can’t see the miracle.
All I see is red. Trapped awake writing poetry in my head.

No waking from this nightmare. Feels like. Grief.

I have to tell my brown baby. Someone told her Trump
doesn’t like brown people. I don’t want her to know about
racism. I know she knows about racism. First grade. Loves
Hillary Clinton. L-O-V-E-S. She doesn’t believe me. I was wrong
before. Two year-old sister knows his name now. Pink lips innocent
to hate, fledgling voice violated by this bigotry embodied.

At school, public/urban/diverse, see a gay dad but not the
mothers in hijab. Don’t look at anyone too long. Sunglasses.
Closed slash of mouth. No crying in public. Children chattering
his name. Shame. The liberal bubble. Popped. A hush over
San Francisco. My daughter interviewing my husband for answers.
Meanwhile, a gas station in suburban Cleveland, someone to a
Young Black Woman: “soon enough you and all your family will be
eliminated.” Eliminated. This isn’t fiction. My cousin knows the
mother of the victim personally. I said, This isn’t fiction. This
happened, is happening, and what the actual fuck have we done.

I have gray hairs and fine lines and children and this morning damn
how could I be so naive, positively smug. We have seen too much
come too far to let this happen. Don’t I have enough reasons to worry
about my husband? Now half of our country condones the man
endorsed by the mother-fucking KKK. I don’t know what to say
anymore. Trump doesn’t love you, America. He loves power.

Extinction burst: a sudden and temporary increase in the response’s
frequency, followed by the eventual decline and extinction of the
behavior targeted for elimination. Racism. Misogyny. Homophobia. Xenophobia.
What else. Millions awakened by the cold truth, corruption revealed.
People talking about rebirth, evolution and revolution. No more time
for distractions. Conserve energy. Heal. Hope. Fever burns away the old,
clearing space. This isn’t the end of the story. It is the beginning.

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